Ever felt lost, especially when you feel like other people expect that you feel "found"?
IT IS OKAY TO FEEL LOST.
When the navigation systems of your heart are depleted and in need of service, and you have no gauge or grid for what is next, it is okay to be lost. When your inspiration is gone, and your vision for what could be needs a jump, He is there. When your battery is dead, surely goodness and mercy follow you all the days of your life. When you are not sure where you fit, what your next goal or dream is, or if you are even truly effective where you are, He searches you and knows you. When you're on a walking sidewalk that just keeps revolving, He perceives your thoughts from afar. When where you are feels tight; jagged and serrated are the cuts that the knife of restriction cuts, lines of demarcation onto your borders- He is familiar with all your ways. When there are no grand ventures to look forward to or plans for changing your course of existence any time soon, He HEMS you in, behind and before. When you have frozen extremities unable to move and with what breath you have left to muster you cry "Lord move, or move me" all the while you're yearning for a nod, a look, a note, a whisper, anything really, He has laid His hand upon you. When all the Sunday school answers you have in reserve cannot help, and there is not a quick fix prayer, He has collected every tear in his bottle, and has recorded each one in His book. When you feel ashamed for the hamster wheel and the meaningless motion, the HEAVINESS, He assures us that our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. When you feel swallowed up, He is your refuge and your fortress, In Him will you trust.
I feel as though I am sitting in first class, circling. I am in a holding pattern, waiting for clearance to land. The lord has me waiting for something. He's got me in the belly of the whale, where I cannot escape. I cannot microwave up a quick answer. The attendant is not going to bring me a ready made itinerary of what is to come. What if I just need to let God be God? In every other season, I've known what to do, how to get better, how to be clean, how to spruce up and shake this off- but not this time. I am having to listen my way through... I cannot emergency land. At every emergency exit, there is a huge angel too. In this holding pattern, He wants dialogue, not my usual monologue and or my martyr soliloquy that I know a little too well. He wants my heart, and I want a non-stop service to His heart. I want to be spit up on the dry land of whatever He has for me. I've gotten restless, assured that there is more and I will make sure my seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position and that my seatbelt is correctly fastened. I am ready to move about in what He has for me, everything and nothing less.
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