The last six months have felt very stagnant for me. I try to explain it to others as feeling like I have been dumped in an unfamiliar forest and there is dense fog all around. I cannot see in front of me and I have no sense of direction. I am worried that if I take a step too soon or even worse, make a wrong step, I could be in real trouble. God's voice has gone deafeningly silent too. The more I have struggled through this season, the more I sense that our whole life for the most part is lived in process. As much as I hate to accept this notion, the more I understand that the Indiana Jones Temple of Doom rope bridge that connects me from where I am to where I want to go, might be where I am abiding for now. If I can learn to keep my eyes on God in the shakiness and the fog, then I can certainly steward what he has for me on solid ground. What's more, if I can learn to celebrate the process and be okay with faith being walked out, I might even enjoy the journey a little more. If I cannot be happy on the way, what makes me think I will be happy when I suddenly arrive? In His usual fashion, the Lord has been speaking to me about process in one of the most familiar processes I have been scheduling every six weeks like clockwork over the last twenty years.
When I was in high school, I started the process of highlighting and coloring my hair. Back then (1998), your hair was pulled through a highlighting cap. Some of you reading this will have no idea what that is, but those of us that grew up watching Steel Magnolias and have frequented the salon for two decades or more, we know the highlighting cap all too well. Your worst fear getting your hair done back then was not the end result, but if anyone other than my hair stylist were to see us during the process. Thank you Jesus, that hair coloring techniques have come a long way since those prehistoric days of 1998!
Selecting your hair stylist is a big deal, and I am the person that will stick with the right person for years. Your hair stylist is also your low key therapist. Maybe sitting in the salon chair is easier because I know there is a two hour or less process. I think if I knew that God was going to change my direction or my job in the next six months, I would feel better about walking through the unknown forest. My best friend, and owner of All Things New Salon, shared some insights with me about hair processing.
"Without processing time, you cannot get from your current hair situation to your desired result. (Sometimes represented in a picture) After application of the product, it works slowly to achieve the end result. If you remove the product (color or lightener) too soon, it could end in a partially covered gray root, or orange highlights instead of the pretty blonde you want. Early removal could also result in the color rinsing out much quicker after you leave the salon, leaving you wishing your stylist had left it on the time it needed. "
The processing time for your hair goals is needed, and I am not sure why I do not expect the same in my own life and in the dreams I want to walk out. If you want to have long hair, it takes time. If you want to be a platinum blonde and currently have dark brown hair, your desired result may not happen on your first visit. True comedy is looking back at old pictures of yourself and how styles have changed, and thank you Lord, that I have changed. There is not a season of my life that has not grown me as a person, and the maturity that comes from adversity is painful in the moment but is so needed.
What I think is interesting, is it took the Israelites 40 years to enter their promised land, and the trip had been done before in a few short weeks.
Exodus 13:17-18 MSG
It so happened that after Pharaoh released the people, God didn't lead them by the road through the land of the Philistines, which was the shortest route, for God thought, 'if the people encounter war, they'll change their minds and go back to Egypt.'
Anything that is built quick, will never last. The best things come to those that do not give up. All this time, I have been mad at God because Josh and I are still not in full time ministry. We have been pastoring in this community for six years. We are both working FULL TIME jobs that require a great deal of mental alertness. We are raising two boys and doing ministry in the middle of all of what we have going on, and it's a lot. So yeah, I have been frustrated with God as to why we are still going at this pace. The tension of doing the best you can, but knowing you could be doing more is a hard place to live and it is a hard place to accept. What I have finally been able to see is that God is not trying to break me, but He is trying to build something in me.
At the end of the day, Jesus is bigger than our hair stylist and the way we color or cut our hair. How I learn to love Him and worship my way through process, high points, low points and every moment in between makes all the difference for joy. There is a way out of fog, and it is called WORSHIP. If I am not moving, I need to stop shaking my fist at God and blaming everyone else and start taking a hard look at myself. He is the master seamstress that is designing new clothes from our old rags. He hems us in from behind and before, and is always at work. Jesus is the author, perfecter, and the finisher of our faith; that means he does not leave you in the style and in the shape of what your seventeen -year- old self could best describe in a personal narrative you wrote for English class. He goes back in and EDITS and he takes what I see as disaster and failure, and turns it into triumph and all the while is creating the score of your life that is better and more detailed than any Enneagram type song. And if I know this to be true... then why do I doubt the fog? Fog does not change the landmarks, it just changes the visibility of the landmarks.
Hebrews 11:1 NIV
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
Romans 8:24 TPT
But hope means that we must trust and wait for what is still unseen. For why would we need to hope for what we already have?
I have always thought of faith as an action, and mostly a verb. It is impossible to please God without faith- thus my actions in compliance with my heart and my thoughts need to be postured a certain way. This is true, but faith is also a form of vision. Faith has to trust in the midst of the fog and see the ark before the rain comes. If people can't see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves; but when they attend to what he reveals, they are most blessed. Without vision, people perish or run wild.
If you look back over your life and see where God has brought you from, it's a pretty good indicator of where he will take you.
Thank you Jesus for flat irons and for growth. The seventeen- year- old you see in this picture wanted the fast route, the easy way, and I wanted to jump right into ministry and did not care about process. I was going to graduate high school and start ministry and forgo college. I thought I was ready. I wanted the glory then, but did not have the first idea about stewardship. The seventeen- year -old me was so loved by the Father and He saw the bigger picture. If God had of given me what I thought I wanted, what I thought I was ready for and given me the full plate I was craving, I would have buckled under the pressure and gone back to Egypt, which literally translate "black land." Ministry is not a fairy tale, it is not always being swept away to Winds of Worship number 5- it is blood, sweat, and tears. Ministry is when you have worked all day, come home to power clean dog hair tornados quickly off the floor and make sure there is no pee stains on the guest toilet, minister and counsel a married couple on the brink of divorce until 8:00, put your kids to bed, have 10 more text messages unread on your phone, and meanwhile you are contemplating the dinner you have yet to eat.
The wait time on your process is not a punishment, but a purposed, prescribed time that will lead to promotion. He will not send you to the interview to change your destiny unprepared.
" What experience do you have Melissa that makes you qualified for this promotion?"
The 37- year- old Melissa Settles has had many life experiences. I have been on the mountain top, and I have lived in the valley low. I have lived in lack, and I have tasted of plenty. I've had my heart broken but I have been restored. When your dreams still rise to the top, despite your obligations, duties, and ALL THE THINGS in between, you know what you are meant to do. When I can get to the place of gratitude and thanksgiving and I can worship my way through the shaky steps of the suspension bridge, then I might be one step closer. When I can start building stone memorials that remind me of his goodness along the way instead of tire depressions and ruts from my leaky gut of complaining and grumbling- I might finally begin to see more clearly. Maybe the fog you are walking in and experiencing is the biggest blessing of all. The Lord protects us, but mostly He protects me from myself. Maybe, just maybe, He wants you to wait on His timing and what He reveals to you. Wait on the nuggets from God, the green lights and the times when He puts the breaks on to slow down and wait. The fog is not changing what He has promised you, but it does make using your own understanding and your own natural eyes to see it a little harder. What I am grateful for, is that He allows me to see with my natural eyes the process He has brought me through, and I am confident that He is not finished with me yet.
Needed to read this today! Thank you!