I am graduating from EKU in May with a masters degree in Secondary School Counseling. I have been working towards this degree since August of 2006. I was nominated to be a commencement speaker for my college's graduation. I wrote the speech and sent it in for review. I knew they would not accept it because it was not "politically correct" enough. Here is what I wrote; the commencement speech that was rejected.
If I asked you to think about the time you have spent at Eastern Kentucky University pursuing your master’s degree, I’m sure there would be a hundred things that would come to your mind. You might think of the wonderful professors we have learned from or the people in our lives that we have met and lost in these years. We might think of children that are
born or are yet to be born. We could associate tight finances and over stressed minds and bodies just trying to keep up with the demands of classes, jobs, families, and spouses. We might let our minds wonder to where we were in life when we enrolled in that first semester and where we are now. Are we the same people? Are we better people? Despite the numerous combinations of thoughts and emotions that have come and are still coming, one thing unites us all; this day really marks the beginning. The word graduation makes me laugh in that it is called a commencement service, taken literally commencing or beginning. I’ve been viewing this day as the end- the most looked forward to day my check book has seen in five years, the most anticipated educational milestone I could achieve. Then like a record player screech, I realize I am not finished, I have twelve more hours to take to really be finished! And even then, I’m not sure I can stop there. As much as I complain about being in school, it’s in my DNA and apart of who I am. I honestly do not know who I am without college. I think I just might be lost if I am not on EKU Direct registering for more classes. This innate longing for knowledge may never be quenched. Having said that, I’m sure we can all agree with John Calvin when he said “You must submit to supreme suffering in order to discover the completion of joy.” Don’t get me wrong, EKU has not been a time of suffering, per se, but the joy in this moment could only be made manifest or appreciated if I had not personally experienced some hard times during this experience to completion. We have all had to submit to the demands of graduate school and what wake that could leave our personal and social lives in; what we’ve had to give up in order to truly submit.
Some of us have sacrificed time with our children to read or write a research paper. Some of us have had to choose between the date night we have desperately needed or finishing that report that we procrastinated until now. Some of us have battled alone in this uphill fight, not really having anyone there to help with the bills, the headaches, or the numerous other responsibilities. For some of us, this has truly been a breeze and for once, a confirmation that we are on the right path. At any rate, today is completion of the graduate journey and all of us should be joyful at our accomplishments.
For me, this day is the fullness of joy. I began my journey at EKU in the fall of 2006. I graduated from Kentucky State University in May of 2005, got married in July, and started teaching August 3, 2005 at Spencer County High School in Taylorsville, Kentucky. I finished out my first year of KTIP and then I knew the next step was to start graduate school. At this point, my husband and I had no children and enjoyed the liberties of coming and going as we pleased. We look back at this time in our lives now and think “gosh it was so easy then and we thought it was hard.” My first semester here, I had COU 813 Professional Orientation and Ethics with Dr. Kim Naugle, whom I also have for COU 881 Internship. How fitting that the professor I started with, I end with? But then again, I’m not finished. I am kind of a perfectionist so I knew that to be a Secondary English teacher and teach upper level classes and the grading associated with it and to be a graduate student meant that one area would have to suffer a little. I thought I could be this supper woman that was a great teacher, great wife, and a great student. For those of you that have jobs, families, and take full time graduate level course work- my hat tips to you this day. For me, I knew that I could handle a class at a time, so that is what I did and that is why it has taken me this long. In the spring of 2008, I took the semester off to have our first son, Connor, who is now four years old. From the time he was born until he turned 18 months old, Connor was developmentally sound and a great baby. He had his first set of ear tubes put in when he was 6 months old, but other than the numerous ear infections, was a healthy, happy baby. I remember for my Diagnosis and Treatment class, I had to write a treatment plan for child with Autism. Since I didn’t know a lot about this condition, I really had to research to even come close to speculating how to write a treatment plan. I wrote the paper but felt so small in grand view of this neurodevelopmental disorder. This was in the fall of 2008, and Connor was progressing beautifully. Around 18 months, we noticed some changes in Connor, including words that he once said that he was unable to say presently. His whole disposition changed. The next two and half years have been filled with emotional ups and emotional downs. Connor was eventually placed in First Steps, an early intervention program for speech. A year into the program, his liaison asked if we would like to have Connor diagnosed for Autism. As a mother, a teacher, and a graduate student in counseling, I knew there was something not quite right with my son. Part of me wanted the test and part of me wrestled with this because he was so young. My husband and I consented to the test and the Psychiatrist told us she believed Connor was mildly to moderately Autistic. When I heard the words coming out of her mouth, I couldn’t cry. I knew in my heart and in my spirit that Connor was going to be fine. At times, I was really angry at God. Here I was, this person that always invited God in on my choices and he was the Lord of my life. I went to church every time the doors were open and my husband is a pastor. Our whole lives are dedicated to service to people. I felt like my son was in there somewhere and he just couldn’t come out. The next step was to transition Connor to preschool since he was now three years old. If you are a teacher, then you have been the one to sit on the side of the table at ARC meetings and look into the parents’ eyes and make your suggestion and comments and then you leave. I was the parent sitting on the other side of the table and this is my son we are talking about now. Before I knew it, my three year old had an Individual Education Plan and I was asked if I needed my rights read to me for his official ARC meeting. I was an emotional mess. Connor started preschool that April and he is still in preschool.
Today is a day that I have submitted to suffering and can realize the completion of joy. Connor goes to speech and occupational therapy one day a week and he goes to preschool four days a week, where he receives speech services and is working toward his new annual goals on his Individual Education Plan. He is truly a remarkable kid and has taught me far more than I probably will ever teach him. Before this happened with Connor, I have never really had to have faith for anything. If I had a problem, I fixed it and moved on. With Connor, I cannot fix him- as that has been made very apparent. I see how other children his age talk and socialize effortlessly and how Connor is slightly different. He beats to his own drum and I know that I know that I know, God will use that for his purposes and his design one day. His strong willed personality right now will one day serve him in whatever avenue God deems to take him. Connor has made so much progress and he is very smart boy. I appreciate the little things he does and learns to do so much now. My husband and I took Connor to Cincinnati Children’s Hospital in the Summer of 2011 to get a second opinion on his Autism diagnosis. CCH sees hundreds of children a month for Autism Spectrum Disorders. The best doctor in that unit is the one we ended up seeing. She came in the day of our appointment and told us that she just wanted to make some observations first and then she would proceed. Long story short, Dr. Zimmer told us that Connor had a speech delay, a pretty significant one. Knowing his ear trouble history, this did not surprise her. She went on to say that Connor was not Autistic. She told us she would not be surprised if down the road Connor was diagnosed with ADD because he is very hyper and busy. Some have asked if I think Connor’s diagnosis from First Steps was a misdiagnoses and I have said no to them. I do not think Connor was misdiagnosed, I think he has been healed. Today is the completion of joy because it is done. I cannot think about EKU without associating my road with my son. I say all of this to you because I know that we have all had suffering in one form or another during our tenure here at EKU. We have also felt the joy of completion of small goals and now we can experience the joy of this major milestone. Susan B. Anthony said it best: “Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these.” All of us have these memories and milestones that go unheard and untold. All of us have learned in our struggles and suffering how to enjoy the big moments and take the smaller, less prepossessing ones for what they are, learn from them, and appreciate that they chose us. My hope for each of you today with cap and gown on is that you can experience the completion of joy at your accomplishments that have brought you to this place. Your unique story has been packed with moments of suffering but I hope all those moments culminate to this and that you can take hold of the joy of what you have earned. As we go on from here,” Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail,” Ralph Waldo Emerson. Congratulations class of 2012 on the beginning of your completion and fullness of joy.
Comments